How to Stop Intrusive Thoughts from Controlling Your Life

 

Imagine driving home late at night after a fancy dinner with a hot new date. Things went amazing, and you’re already thinking this person has potential to be “the one”. And that’s when it strikes. An intrusive though. You think back to when an ex-lover hurt you, and you start to wonder, “Does this person actually like me? I had a lot of fun, but now that I think about it…
Before you know it, you are replaying the entire night in your head, down to every last word and gesture. The car ride home is a blur – you were completely lost in the depths of your own mind. Sound familiar? Intrusive thoughts are an interesting can of worms, and they can rob you of happiness.

How to Stop Intrusive Thoughts

1. Learn to recognize and become aware when you experience an intrusive thought

The first step to managing your intrusive thoughts is recognizing when you are having them. One method that I’ve found to be highly effective for helping with this is mindfulness.
I’ve been practicing meditation for several years now. It was initially my reprieve from anxiety and stress, but as I’ve continued, meditation and the mindfulness it offers has had some profound benefits in many aspects of my life.
Dealing with intrusive thoughts is one of them. Mindfulness gives you that extra moment or two of clarity before acting on your thoughts. Basically, when you have an intrusive thought, you have the ability to stop, recognize it’s just a stupid thought, and then dismiss it as nothing more.

2. Learn to accept them

Once you’ve gotten good at recognizing intrusive thoughts, how do you make them go away? You don’t. Attempting to ignore or suppress your intrusive thoughts usually makes them worse. What you should be doing is accepting them. You’ve likely tried many times in the past to “get rid” of your intrusive thoughts, but I’d be willing to bet that hasn’t worked so far, has it? As mentioned earlier, intrusive thoughts are normal, and they’re going to happen. The best course of action after recognizing an intrusive thought is to accept it for what it is.
“Oh, I’m having an intrusive thought. This isn’t me. This is just something running through my mind.” Accepting it and shining light on it for what it is – just a thought – takes away its power over you and sets you free.

3. Use the pop-up blocker technique

So, you just recognized you’ve had an intrusive thought, and you did the right thing by accepting it for what it is. Now what?

Your next step is to let it pass by.

This is the most important step. When an intrusive thought happens it can be extremely easily to get caught up in it. For example, let’s say you and your girlfriend are sitting at home, watching your favorite TV show on Netflix. Her phone buzzes. She glances over, picks it up, laughs, and then replies back to whoever it was.
Your mind immediately starts thinking she’s talking to another lover. You spiral down that deep, dark path, and it begins eating away at your happiness and otherwise healthy relationship. Whew, that was intense.
Instead of getting caught up in your intrusive thoughts, you need to train yourself not to. A good method for doing this is what I like to call the pop-up blocker technique. Basically, when an intrusive thought pops into your head, recognize it, accept it, and then let it slip away. Allow your mind to start thinking about other things. If you have to, find another way to occupy your mind. If you do find yourself obsessing over your thought, use your mindfulness training to stop, recognize you lost control, and then turn your attention away from it.

4. Live your life

The three steps above should help you in dealing with your intrusive thoughts. This last step is a simple one: it’s to continue living your life. By now, hopefully you realize that intrusive thoughts are normal and happen to everyone. If you allow your intrusive thoughts to change your behaviors, then you let them win. Instead, keep on doing your thing, enjoying life, and don’t let those pesky intrusive thoughts affect your actions in any way.
If you’re struggling with where to begin, I suggest you start with mindfulness. It’s been the single most beneficial tool I’ve developed in my life for dealing with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. And you, too, can overcome them.